Psst…the Fake Evan Longoria and I have a chat…shhhPosted: July 2, 2010
Pssst…Longo….Longoria…Pssst…It’s me man….
What’s your name again?
Dude…it’s Moe. Morgan? Morgan Ensberg?
Oh hey man…listen I have a tax attorney. They do a great job.
Evan…I am not a tax attorney.
Oh…well I have enough insurance. My agent…
Evan…I used to play baseball.
Little League is awesome…hey do you know that Troy Tulowitzki and I played together at Long Beach State?
Yes…I know that. But I used to play in the Big Leagues.
No really. Played for the Astros most of my career. Yup. Got to wear a uniform and everything.
Ok…ok…I’m sure it will come to me. But what’s up?
Well I wanted to talk to you over here in the batting cage.
There is no batting cage. I don’t even exist. This is you talking to the fake Evan in your head. We are in a Starbucks right now.
No…I get it. I know you are the Fake Evan Longoria and I know I am speaking for you and imagining what you might say. Just play along dude.
Whatever. This is a conversation with yourself. That’s weird man.
Ok…Fake Evan just listen for a second and you can go back to whatever you were doing.
Since this is your imagination can you give me the ability to fly?…or how about ride a unicorn….no…I want to ride Pegasus back to the “Trop”.
Yes. You can fly any way you would like…magic carpet if that makes you happy.
Well can we hurry then because I want to tell the guys that I flew on a horse with wings.
Sure. I wanted to pull you aside here without anyone seeing us and talk about the Upton deal.
Listen real Morgan or fake Unicorn…we said that the issue is over.
I know Fake Evan. But I had really good examples of leadership growing up and in the Big Leagues and I want to pass some information to you that will gain the respect of everyone on the team.
Fine…what is it?
You are a leader Evan. I know because I have been in Spring Training with you.
Maybe…I still don’t think we would have brought in a tax collector.
It was tax attorney, but that isn’t my point. My point is that I have seen how your teammates view you in the clubhouse. They respect you because you care.
I do care. I care a lot. That is why I said something to BJ.
I understand. If you could do it all over again would that have been the way you handled this situation?
Listen, I don’t live in a “woulda’, shoulda’, coulda’ world with fake unicorns and insurance agents who talk to themselves. We have to win and I give a crap!”
I know you do. Your team knows you do. But just like people watch a guy when he is struggling, they will watch you when you are talking to people. Or in this case, when you have a difference in opinion. Does that make sense?
Hypothetically, how would you handle that situation?
Kinda’ ironic that you are using “hypothetically” isn’t it? I mean I don’t even exist…you put “fake” in front of my name so “hypothetically” this is you answering your own question. That’s irony.
Fake Evan…I’m trying to write a post for my blog so people understand how delicate the relationships are on a Major League team. Can you just help me out here? If I tell them it won’t pack the same punch as you telling them.
Ok. I guess I could have pulled him aside when no one else was around and talked to him about the play. We could have come into this imaginary world you got going here. Surely nobody with any sort of brains would be there.
Easy Fake Evan…remember who is in charge here.
What are you going to do…send me to Atlantis? How about Gilligan’s Island? No, I know, send me to Krypton! What planet are the Care Bears from?
I don’t know. But let me try and get us back on track. Pulling the player aside without anyone seeing is a great idea. What would you say?
Well…I would say, “Hey, I pulled you aside so that I can understand what you were trying to do on that play the other day. From where I was standing it looked like you weren’t going hard on that ball. I don’t know if you were dogging it or not, but I don’t want the other guys on the team thinking that you don’t care. I know you care and I want you to be great and make a billion dollars in this game. You and I both know that the organization doesn’t need any reason to get rid of us. I want you to know that I am on your side and thought that if I didn’t say anything then you would get labeled as a guy who doesn’t go hard. Is that cool?
I love it! That was great. You see…right there you showed BJ that you care about him. You are not saying this to make yourself feel better or to look like you are running the show. Instead you explained to him how his teammates, the organization, and the media might interpret his effort. Then you explained to him how that could affect his future earnings in the game. You are no longer a guy who just finds faults, but someone who cares about how BJ is viewed. That is leadership. Well-done Fake Evan.
Thanks Morris. I couldn’t have done it without you.
It doesn’t really matter.