Psst…the Fake Evan Longoria and I have a chat…shhh

Pssst…Longo….Longoria…Pssst…It’s me man….

What’s your name again?

Dude…it’s Moe.  Morgan?  Morgan Ensberg?

Oh hey man…listen I have a tax attorney.  They do a great job.

Evan…I am not a tax attorney.

Oh…well I have enough insurance.  My agent…

Evan…I used to play baseball.

Little League is awesome…hey do you know that Troy Tulowitzki and I played together at Long Beach State?

Yes…I know that.  But I used to play in the Big Leagues.


No really.  Played for the Astros most of my career.  Yup.  Got to wear a uniform and everything.

Ok…ok…I’m sure it will come to me.  But what’s up?

Well I wanted to talk to you over here in the batting cage.

There is no batting cage.  I don’t even exist.  This is you talking to the fake Evan in your head.  We are in a Starbucks right now.

No…I get it.  I know you are the Fake Evan Longoria and I know I am speaking for you and imagining what you might say.  Just play along dude.

Whatever.  This is a conversation with yourself.  That’s weird man.

Ok…Fake Evan just listen for a second and you can go back to whatever you were doing.

Since this is your imagination can you give me the ability to fly?…or how about ride a unicorn….no…I want to ride Pegasus back to the “Trop”.

Yes.  You can fly any way you would like…magic carpet if that makes you happy.

Well can we hurry then because I want to tell the guys that I flew on a horse with wings.

Sure. I wanted to pull you aside here without anyone seeing us and talk about the Upton deal.

Listen real Morgan or fake Unicorn…we said that the issue is over.

I know Fake Evan.  But I had really good examples of leadership growing up and in the Big Leagues and I want to pass some information to you that will gain the respect of everyone on the team.

Fine…what is it?

You are a leader Evan.  I know because I have been in Spring Training with you.

Maybe…I still don’t think we would have brought in a tax collector.

It was tax attorney, but that isn’t my point.  My point is that I have seen how your teammates view you in the clubhouse.  They respect you because you care.

I do care.  I care a lot.  That is why I said something to BJ.

I understand.  If you could do it all over again would that have been the way you handled this situation?

Listen, I don’t live in a “woulda’, shoulda’, coulda’ world with fake unicorns and insurance agents who talk to themselves.  We have to win and I give a crap!”

I know you do.  Your team knows you do.  But just like people watch a guy when he is struggling, they will watch you when you are talking to people.  Or in this case, when you have a difference in opinion.  Does that make sense?


Hypothetically, how would you handle that situation?

Kinda’ ironic that you are using “hypothetically” isn’t it?  I mean I don’t even exist…you put “fake” in front of my name so “hypothetically” this is you answering your own question.  That’s irony.

Fake Evan…I’m trying to write a post for my blog so people understand how delicate the relationships are on a Major League team.  Can you just help me out here?  If I tell them it won’t pack the same punch as you telling them.

Ok.  I guess I could have pulled him aside when no one else was around and talked to him about the play.  We could have come into this imaginary world you got going here.  Surely nobody with any sort of brains would be there.

Easy Fake Evan…remember who is in charge here.

What are you going to do…send me to Atlantis?  How about Gilligan’s Island?  No, I know, send me to Krypton!  What planet are the Care Bears from?

I don’t know.  But let me try and get us back on track.  Pulling the player aside without anyone seeing is a great idea.  What would you say?

Well…I would say, “Hey, I pulled you aside so that I can understand what you were trying to do on that play the other day.  From where I was standing it looked like you weren’t going hard on that ball.  I don’t know if you were dogging it or not, but I don’t want the other guys on the team thinking that you don’t care.  I know you care and I want you to be great and make a billion dollars in this game.  You and I both know that the organization doesn’t need any reason to get rid of us.  I want you to know that I am on your side and thought that if I didn’t say anything then you would get labeled as a guy who doesn’t go hard.  Is that cool?

I love it!  That was great.  You see…right there you showed BJ that you care about him.  You are not saying this to make yourself feel better or to look like you are running the show. Instead you explained to him how his teammates, the organization, and the media might interpret his effort.  Then you explained to him how that could affect his future earnings in the game.  You are no longer a guy who just finds faults, but someone who cares about how BJ is viewed.  That is leadership.  Well-done Fake Evan.

Thanks Morris.  I couldn’t have done it without you.

It’s Morgan.

It doesn’t really matter.



30 Comments on “Psst…the Fake Evan Longoria and I have a chat…shhh”

  1. Mike@AJM says:

    I don’t know Morg. When you wait for the talk it loses its some of its affect. Something needed to be said and it didn’t look like Longoria lit him up at all.

    BJ blew a head-gasket for one reason—he’s a lollygagger.

  2. Kelly says:

    It’s also very possible that he’s tried talking with BJ like that and it didn’t work. Hopefully the issue is fixed and Evan can get back to helping my fantasy team again!

  3. Brade says:

    Yeah, it looked like it wouldn’t have been noticed if B.J. hadn’t overreacted. I think Evan did that the right way, notwithstanding we don’t know exactly what he said.

  4. jklender says:

    How about the way Jake Taylor confronted Roger Dorn?

  5. Razzlegator says:

    If BJ would show the passion on the field that he showed in the dugout, we wouldn’t be talking about this. Something needed to be said at that moment. Maybe it should have been Maddon, but he wasn’t able to get to BJ before Longo did. Public or private, the lack of hustle should never be a conversation you need to have with a team mate(IMO).

    • Razz- I agree, but we as fans shouldn’t know about it. Anytime the media can see it then it will be a bad decision. Less drama in other words.


      • Razzlegator says:

        You’re right Morgan(I know it’s not about you being right), but frustration must set in at some point. The Rays are in a funk, and BJ has a history of this kind of behavior. We’re only human, which is something I think that gets lost in all of this sometimes.

  6. teamlittleguy says:

    No one in this dust-up looks particularly good, IMHO. BJ dogged a play and Longo took an approach in responding that ended up escalating the situation before the cameras and making it a bigger deal than it needed to be.

    What should have been behind closed doors got exposed, and so a “BJ dogged it” one-day story becomes a “does this team have chemistry” story. (And as long as TB struggles as a team, this incident will be on the periphery with reporters.)

  7. gayle says:

    Could not agree with you more about this not taking place in the dugout. I think Longoria has a chance to be a big star in this league anda great leader with the Rays. BY calling Upton out in the dugout knowing that it would be caught by the cameras in some respect he lost a little bit of what makes a great leader IMHO. It is one thing for the manager to do it and I believe that Maddon has done it to Upton before but when one of your piers does it for eveyrone to see it is like you are trying to embarass him in front of everyone and if I am Upton I don’t forget hat.

    My team as you know is the Yankees can you imagine Derek Jeter doing that in the dugout for everyone to see? I believe that Jorge Posada is one of the under appreciated leaders in the Yankees clubhouse and has been for years. He isfiery and passionate in a big way and I have heard he totally is hte guy to get in people’s faces if he sees something isnt going right etc but by doing it behind the scenes and not in front of everyone the impact is much greater.

  8. Mark L. says:

    Maybe Derek Jeter can start a consultancy on how to always say the right thing no matter how badly your teammate screws up — Longoria looks to be special, it would be a shame to see him get sidetracked by clubhouse politics

  9. Tony says:

    As someone who has “managed” people (albeit in a store, not a baseball franchise) I would have dealt with this situation in private. Commenting negatively on someone in front of not only co-workers (or team mates in this case) not to mention the public/media is unprofessional in my eyes, and only forces the guy to respond, which BJ did.

    In private, Upton has the chance to turn round and say “hey, you’re right, I screwed up, won’t happen again” – doing it as Longoria did forced him into a corner to either look worse with team mates or retaliate verbally, as Morgan said, to try and save face.

    Nice sentiments from Evan, wrong execution IMO.

  10. Matt says:

    Just like everyone else a little phrase that I use all of the time hits me when reading this.

    Praise in public, chastise in private.

  11. Tim says:

    Hi Morgan, great job with the blog, I really appreciate it and it looks like you’re having fun with it, too! I actually have a question for you that isn’t related to the topic, but I remember that during spring training one year (2000?) you and a few of your teammates were in a building when (several?) gunmen entered. Could you say a little something about it, and would you have done the same thing if it happened in 2010 than if it did then? Thanks!


  12. lisa gray says:


    i believe that YOU would not have done what longo did – i mean, WHERE longo did

    but there are lots of fans who have this idea that the team “leader” should act like a drill sergeant and they LIKE the idea of chewing out other guys – and especially rookies

    not sure why even in these days rookies are supposed to act like victorian children. well, not really, i guess, because it is NOT seen and not heard

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