The Fake Jerry CrasnickPosted: May 6, 2010
So apparently Jerry Crasnick, a guy who I really like, decided to ask a bunch of Hall of Famer’s what they thought about unwritten rules in baseball. What? Hall of Famers? Blyleven should be in the Hall! Dude you need someone who is a little more like the common man bro. I’m here for you! So I am having the “Fake Jerry Crasnick” aka Morgan Ensberg ask me these same questions. You better be wearing some armour Jerry!
1. Fake Jerry: Morgan you were a hitter.
Fake Jerry: OK, you occasionally swung a bat.
Morgan: Not really.
Fake Jerry: Morgan…you are interviewing yourself. Stop being difficult. You are losing readers.
Morgan: Fake Jerry you are kind of a jerk. The real Jerry is a cool dude. You’re lame.
Fake Jerry: I’m you!
Morgan: Then I’m lame. Get to the question!
Fake Jerry: Fine. Where were we? Oh, I remember. A hitter stands at home plate and admires a home run. Do you hit him?
Fake Jerry: That’s it?
Morgan: What do you want me to say Fake Jerry? You wait until there are 2 outs and up by 4 or more runs. You drill him in the ribs.
Fake Jerry: What if he just sort of admires it?
Morgan: Drill him.
2. Fake Jerry: Morgan, the hitter runs across the mound while you are nowhere near it. Is that an issue?
Morgan: It isn’t a problem as long as going over the mound is the quickest way to get to your destination. If a guy purposely goes out of his way to go over to the mound then that is different. That is an act of aggression.
Fake Jerry: What if the hitter crosses the mound while you are standing on it. Is there a difference?
Morgan: As long as the hitter doesn’t get too close to the pitcher then it is cool.
3. Fake Jerry: Mo, Is bunting to break up a no-hitter a violation of baseball’s unwritten rules?
Morgan: Teams that are making a playoff run can bunt. If the game means nothing then no.
4. Fake Jerry: What’s your response if a hitter calls timeout while a pitcher is in the middle of your windup?
Morgan: I’m not a pitcher genius! But I have an awesome knuckle ball! This sort of depends. If the batter is calling time after the pitcher is shaking his head a bunch of times then it is cool. That stuff gets old.
5. Fake Jerry: What do you do if you catch a hitter peeking back at a catcher’s setup, or getting signs relayed to him from a teammate on second base?
Morgan: Drill him. You never look at the catchers signs ever! That is way out of line.
6. Fake Jerry: If you think a hitter intentionally leaned over the plate to get hit by a pitch, how do you respond?
Morgan: If a guy gets hit and he is actually over the plate then that isn’t right. If he chooses to get hit and it isn’t over the plate then that is fine. You don’t have to get out of the way on a ball. Pitchers should not get rewarded for missing their spot.
7. Fake Jerry: How offended are you if a hitter takes a big rip at a 3-0 pitch when his team is way ahead?
Morgan: Drill him. I don’t need to explain that. You drill him.
Fake Jerry: Special bonus question: If a player on your team gets drilled, are you obligated to respond?
If my player did one of the things mentioned above then he deserves it. If we hit one of their players for doing something mentioned above, and then their pitcher retaliates….then we drill one of their guys. You got that one Fake Jerry? Oh and one more thing. If my teammate gets hit on an off-speed pitch then we don’t retaliate.
Fake Jerry: Thank you for you time Mo. I don’t know why I didn’t ask you these questions in the first place.
Morgan: That’s because I am not a Hall of Famer Jer! Keep it real Crasnick!
Fake Jerry: You know I can dig that! Peace out!